Snowball storytelling

There once was a man from Ferndale... he was a strange, wicked little man, with aspirations of world domination - but shy.
One fine evening in the summer of '02, he was struck by a craving for gourmet pizza pie!

But alas, his craving occurred at a most unfortunate time: 3:18 AM.
— And, tragically, the last pizza joint had closed at 3:17.

So he grabbed his Swiss army knife, and set out to find him some pizza! ... by FORCE!

The first topping he encountered was a gnarled old woman in a shopping cart.
"Yes, she'll make lovely pepperoni!" he thought.

So he chopped her up into delicate little circles and stuffed them in a plastic grocery bag.
(Handy things, those. He has lots).

The next topping he encountered was a beastly giant squirrel!
Ebon of hair and ghastly of stare, the thing tried to fight...

... but lost, sorely! With a few slashes, a poke, a grunt and a drop of sweat, the critter became his sausage bits. Into the bag!

Next on his list to find were vegetables... so onward he trekked, to the local bar and grill - it was a popular biker hangout, and everyone knows that bikers are FANTASTIC vegetables.
Stalking around the corner of the building, he saw a perfect specimen!

With a huff and a puff, he blew the line of choppers onto their unsuspecting owners, and before they could react, he attacked!

Suddenly, Iron Maiden appeared out of thin air and began playing a great battle hymn worthy of his pursuit. On he charged!

In a mere matter of seconds, a score of bloodied bikers brayed helplessly as our hungry hero carved this vegetable and that: onions, bell peppers, fresh artichokes and more from the hides of the hideous little biker boors - until he could carry no more.

Then, satisfied with his haul, he turned 'round and spied a fresh fruit taking a smoke break, just leaning against the wall...

— With a flourish, and a crash of guitar, he leaped to a crouch and lashed out with his gauche and scored him a fresh tomato! Just like that! Wahoo!

Ingredients complete, our hero hopped to his feet and returned to his humble abode with his treat.

One hour later, his pizza was done, his belly was full, and his tongue was recovering from all of the fun - and he said to himself,

"Now, I think I could use some pork buns!"

.... and so the story ends.

— FOR NOW.