Sometimes, I have to actually force myself to think about things or people other than you, you know. At any given moment, the likelihood you're swimming around my thoughts--and did you know you're a fan of skinny dipping?--is seldom anything less than absolutely certain. I can't say I wish it weren't true; my memories of our limited past are more valuable to me than anything else I possess... but it is difficult to deal with, sometimes. I know, I can beat myself up as much as I want about never having truly reached out for you, and it won't ever change our present circumstances.
I miss you all the time. And I think I miss the unbelievable possibility you represent(ed?); I guess it doesn't make much sense, but I miss what we never had. Intensely. Even if I could never have really had you the way I want you--no matter what initiative I did or didn't have--I often find myself wishing for an earlier time when I simply didn't realize the void your absence would create. You've always been an inspiration to me. You've always been an outlet for--and a prime source of--my deepest and most sincere passions. Though we keep in touch and share a certain distant intimacy, I feel that distance like a painful phantom limb growing from the most intimate, innermost and vulnerable aspect of my hope - and as time goes on, it just keeps growing, and aching.
I wish I had more of you; I really wish I could see and feel and know you in that way which seems so fundamentally necessary to me. There came a point, a long time ago, when the only natural course of action remaining was to DO, and I feel robbed of that chance - even if by myself. Sometimes I really don't know what to do anymore.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Interpretive Audio Journal: "Temporary Inverse-Catharsis"
Temporary inverse-catharsis
From: "Without You Near (Gabriel & Dresden Remix)"
Markus Schultz w/Departure
Interpretive Audio Journal: "Dancing Stars"
dance
From: "L'Apres Midi" (Amelie Soundtrack)
Composed by Yann Tiersen
Life is like a trip to the grocery store...
And people are sort of like beef sticks.
Most of em are just plain old meat, and need some serious seasoning before they could be considered eligible even as food for thought.
Then you've got the less common folk - the smoke-flavored beef, teriyaki, wasabi, peppered, salted, dipped-in-whiskey, etc; they're great while on a short stint through the social wilderness--and can sometimes even be innervating, as good beef should (especially in spaghetti, or your pants)--but ultimately they're still processed food and eventually clog your intellectual arteries.
Lastly, you've got the vegetables, which tend to be hard to come by; they spend much of their time hiding underground so as to avoid having their heads unceremoniously bitten off by the beef - who only do so to make themselves feel good inside.
Then you have me, who's been a long time friend to the bean and broccoli clan - and who would much rather eat fruit all day long, anyhow.
So... give me your lemons, denizens of the meat aisle! Bring me your peaches, your pears, your apples, your oranges, your kiwis, your berries, your quite-contraries, your limes and your mangos, your nuts and those god-damned delicious old Frangos,
and pie.
That is all, beefstick.
Most of em are just plain old meat, and need some serious seasoning before they could be considered eligible even as food for thought.
Then you've got the less common folk - the smoke-flavored beef, teriyaki, wasabi, peppered, salted, dipped-in-whiskey, etc; they're great while on a short stint through the social wilderness--and can sometimes even be innervating, as good beef should (especially in spaghetti, or your pants)--but ultimately they're still processed food and eventually clog your intellectual arteries.
Lastly, you've got the vegetables, which tend to be hard to come by; they spend much of their time hiding underground so as to avoid having their heads unceremoniously bitten off by the beef - who only do so to make themselves feel good inside.
Then you have me, who's been a long time friend to the bean and broccoli clan - and who would much rather eat fruit all day long, anyhow.
So... give me your lemons, denizens of the meat aisle! Bring me your peaches, your pears, your apples, your oranges, your kiwis, your berries, your quite-contraries, your limes and your mangos, your nuts and those god-damned delicious old Frangos,
and pie.
That is all, beefstick.
Yowsers!
Ah, good old Inspector Gadget. Tragically, that has nothing to do with my post. Instead of watching Penny and the brain and taking it easy, I've spent the last hour killing myself.
Callouses don't begin to explain the pain I've been putting my fingers through... granted, some of that is because I just changed strings, but the real reason is... well, here - this is what I'm learning. Except for perfecting the pinch harmonics, I got this baby licked cleaner than a--WHOA, that thought came from nowhere... (say hello to Amanda, everybody...)
Oh, sweet ecstasy.
*Creamy*
Just me and my true love:
Callouses don't begin to explain the pain I've been putting my fingers through... granted, some of that is because I just changed strings, but the real reason is... well, here - this is what I'm learning. Except for perfecting the pinch harmonics, I got this baby licked cleaner than a--WHOA, that thought came from nowhere... (say hello to Amanda, everybody...)
Oh, sweet ecstasy.
*Creamy*
Just me and my true love:
Oh, sweet masher of my intellectual potato...
And lo, and behold! There came to him in a flash of suffocating dirt-stench... a craving for fried potatoes--willy-nilly and thither from his Irish ancestry of yore and yon--as he yawned at yours truly. Thing of it is this he is me, and I and my potentially perfect potato-gasm are on our way to the one-two point, (as the Chinese say), whereby my greas'd wok and me will see just what we can concoct from just one plump potato sliced just so its inner circle's shared--so succulent and sweet and smelling faintly of fair rosemary--with only we.
Oh, sweet masher of my intellectual potato...
Where the hell are you?
I'm making dinnah, and it's gonna be awesome. You're invited. Come dine on my marvelous tuber! Or at least don't be a boor...
Oh, sweet masher of my intellectual potato...
Where the hell are you?
I'm making dinnah, and it's gonna be awesome. You're invited. Come dine on my marvelous tuber! Or at least don't be a boor...
"Twilight:" Smell ya later!
Bad. Bad bad, worse worse, wrong and wroooong! I had the misfortune of being dragged to go see "Twilight" tonight, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to recover.
Normally, when I have to endure a movie that's genuinely just... THAT BAD... (American pie, Bring it on, etc) I just pretend that the movie was intended to be a satire, and I laugh my ass off at what I somehow manage to force myself to interpret as social irony. Failing that, I try to picture the silhouette of the movie's intellectual vacuum, and imagine what shape it most closely resembles - a turd, a steaming turd, a funny hat, or maybe the fat rolls of the weird guy who gropes himself on the local buses. The point is, I can turn a terrible, terrible movie into a fun experience.
... usually.
Oprah meets a made-for-tv's made-for-tv adaptation of an already bad, bad and more bad book in a worse, worse and worse genre of soulless, trashy romance books with a (generous) substance score ranging from -1 to the vicinity of negative infinity.
That's how I would describe the BEST PARTS of this flick (none of which I could possibly cite... because they don't exist).
The movie was an intersection of painfully adolescent fantasies stacked in layers of increasing idiocy, and I'm still a little uncertain as to whether or not it was real or imagined - as it was more like something that would result from a nightmare about the end of human intelligence.
Speaking of imagined, every time an actor opened its mouth, I was forced to imagine them fighting to hold back their own sad laughter at the sheer inanity of their own lines and the utterly impossibly dreadful scenes (the worst cliches would've been a welcome respite); I would then question whether or not I really imagined it at all. I think I might've actually suffered intellectual apnea a few times and blacked out; I can only hope it was my brain's natural defense system kicking in and saving me from the worse-er-est parts.
I have very little faith in the common person's ability to resist inane fantasies - but I honestly am surprised that ANY human being can buy into something which makes little green men in lipstick and leg warmers seem like a mathematical fact in comparison.
I am genuinely slightly more scared of humanity because this movie exists.
If I had had to watch just 1 more minute of that ... that... THAT, I would've had no choice but to suffer a pre-emptive psychotic break - and would now be on a baby-eating binge, or maybe finger-painting South Park cartoons on my walls and body--and other peoples' walls and bodies--with my feces.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
This is your brain: O
This is your brain on drugs: o
T?i??is?y??r?_____?o??T?il??ht???????
Normally, when I have to endure a movie that's genuinely just... THAT BAD... (American pie, Bring it on, etc) I just pretend that the movie was intended to be a satire, and I laugh my ass off at what I somehow manage to force myself to interpret as social irony. Failing that, I try to picture the silhouette of the movie's intellectual vacuum, and imagine what shape it most closely resembles - a turd, a steaming turd, a funny hat, or maybe the fat rolls of the weird guy who gropes himself on the local buses. The point is, I can turn a terrible, terrible movie into a fun experience.
... usually.
Oprah meets a made-for-tv's made-for-tv adaptation of an already bad, bad and more bad book in a worse, worse and worse genre of soulless, trashy romance books with a (generous) substance score ranging from -1 to the vicinity of negative infinity.
That's how I would describe the BEST PARTS of this flick (none of which I could possibly cite... because they don't exist).
The movie was an intersection of painfully adolescent fantasies stacked in layers of increasing idiocy, and I'm still a little uncertain as to whether or not it was real or imagined - as it was more like something that would result from a nightmare about the end of human intelligence.
Speaking of imagined, every time an actor opened its mouth, I was forced to imagine them fighting to hold back their own sad laughter at the sheer inanity of their own lines and the utterly impossibly dreadful scenes (the worst cliches would've been a welcome respite); I would then question whether or not I really imagined it at all. I think I might've actually suffered intellectual apnea a few times and blacked out; I can only hope it was my brain's natural defense system kicking in and saving me from the worse-er-est parts.
I have very little faith in the common person's ability to resist inane fantasies - but I honestly am surprised that ANY human being can buy into something which makes little green men in lipstick and leg warmers seem like a mathematical fact in comparison.
I am genuinely slightly more scared of humanity because this movie exists.
If I had had to watch just 1 more minute of that ... that... THAT, I would've had no choice but to suffer a pre-emptive psychotic break - and would now be on a baby-eating binge, or maybe finger-painting South Park cartoons on my walls and body--and other peoples' walls and bodies--with my feces.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
This is your brain: O
This is your brain on drugs: o
T?i??is?y??r?_____?o??T?il??ht???????
To the funny farm...
"... They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, he-he, ha-ha, to the funny farm - where life is beautiful ALL the time! And I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me AWAY, HA-HAAAAAAAA!!"
[
BUSH GEORGE OBAMA HUSSEIN BIN SECRET COW LEVEL LADEN SADDAM MOSQUE PLANE CAR SUITCASE BOMB NUKE NUCLEAR CILANTRO VIRAL WEAPON GAS BIOLOGICAL WAR LEMON DROP KILL MAIM DESTROY DEAD SUICIDE JIHAD STICKY NOTE ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADE AK 47 GUN TERROR SNOWMAN TERRORIST VERY FINE HAT TERRORISM HIGH QUALITY H2O FBI CIA PENTAGON WIRT'S LEG WASHINGTON D.C. WHITE HOUSE OVAL OFFICE THE SIMS EXPLODE X-RAY AIR FORCE ONE PENGUIN
]
- don't mind me, I'm just ... trying to make sure my tax dollars are hard at work.
(... one-thousand one, one-thousand two, one-thousand three, one-thousand four...)
[
BUSH GEORGE OBAMA HUSSEIN BIN SECRET COW LEVEL LADEN SADDAM MOSQUE PLANE CAR SUITCASE BOMB NUKE NUCLEAR CILANTRO VIRAL WEAPON GAS BIOLOGICAL WAR LEMON DROP KILL MAIM DESTROY DEAD SUICIDE JIHAD STICKY NOTE ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADE AK 47 GUN TERROR SNOWMAN TERRORIST VERY FINE HAT TERRORISM HIGH QUALITY H2O FBI CIA PENTAGON WIRT'S LEG WASHINGTON D.C. WHITE HOUSE OVAL OFFICE THE SIMS EXPLODE X-RAY AIR FORCE ONE PENGUIN
]
- don't mind me, I'm just ... trying to make sure my tax dollars are hard at work.
(... one-thousand one, one-thousand two, one-thousand three, one-thousand four...)
More random Jimness
There are a lot of things I'd change about the world if I could, and I suppose you could say I have casual aspirations of world domination to that effect - but I also have an ironic knack for seeing the good in people who aren't aware of it themselves, and everywhere I go I can't take my eyes off the beauty of this rock we call home.
I try to keep my perceptive yin and yang in check, so to speak. Dwelling on the negative doesn't make it go away. (But ohhh, can I rant about it!)
The history of (anything, really) is ridiculously fascinating to me. I could talk about anthropology or (insert choice subject here) until I run out of breath.
I love being outdoors and surrounded by life; I grew up next to a creek in a big ol' stretch of trees and fields, and I feel completely at home in the woods. Of all the places I've visited, so far my favorite—by far—was a rainforest. I could easily kick it 'Swiss Family Robinson' style forever, and be perfectly content. As long as the bed was comfy.
I think water beds are freakin' awesome. But I'm not sure I'd want one.
When I can manage to stop gorging on fruit, fresh veggies and yogurt, I really do enjoy the creativity of cooking. All the interactions of tastes and smells and colors and... no, I'm not flashing back to kindergarten... it's just awesome. I simply love cooking. I invent some weird recipes.
I don't consider myself a hedonist to any degree - but I do have a knack for appealing to the hedonistic desires of others. I've never figured that out.
Eeeehhh.. what's the big iderrrrra?
I'm not attracted to women who try to show off every piece of skin they can get away with without being arrested for indecent exposure.
My imagination works GREAT, thank you! Nakedness becomes less and less meaningful when you share it with everybody who sees you. After a certain point, what else of any physical significance would you have left to offer to a special someone?
I appreciate subtlety because it demonstrates cleverness, tact, substance, *confidence*, and lack of "Use me baby, I'm just an object" syndrome.
Damned dirty apesauce!
Nope! Douglas Adams does not maintain a regular presence in my refrigerator... damnit.
... what?
Don't judge me! Your refrigerator smells funny.
... MY refrigerator can beat up YOUR refrigerator!
... what?
Don't judge me! Your refrigerator smells funny.
... MY refrigerator can beat up YOUR refrigerator!
Nooooo!
(December 2008)
Due to being snowed-in, I have run out of orange cream soda. Somebody, please! Come save me! Bring your tights and cape, (and/or your wrist-deflectors in the event you're more of an old tv show geek than me)! And don't forget the fruit-stripe gum! If I'm not rescued...
In no more than 72 hours, I will begin to have a strange mandarin taste on my tongue at random moments;
after another 48 hours, I'll begin to hallucinate a moisture ring on the coaster on my desk;
after another 24 hours, I'll begin to spasmodically reach for the soda bottles that aren't there -
and finally, 48 hours after that, I'm going to keel over in my chair, pass out...
And then wake up from that terrible, terrible dream.
- I would never do such a stupid thing as run out of my preciousssss...!
Due to being snowed-in, I have run out of orange cream soda. Somebody, please! Come save me! Bring your tights and cape, (and/or your wrist-deflectors in the event you're more of an old tv show geek than me)! And don't forget the fruit-stripe gum! If I'm not rescued...
In no more than 72 hours, I will begin to have a strange mandarin taste on my tongue at random moments;
after another 48 hours, I'll begin to hallucinate a moisture ring on the coaster on my desk;
after another 24 hours, I'll begin to spasmodically reach for the soda bottles that aren't there -
and finally, 48 hours after that, I'm going to keel over in my chair, pass out...
And then wake up from that terrible, terrible dream.
- I would never do such a stupid thing as run out of my preciousssss...!
Wisdom... LICK IT UP!!!
Who else hates it when idiots have the audacity to be arrogant? What the hell is up with that? I'm talking about those people who should be humbly licking up every defecated piece of excremental wisdom they can find, but who—for countless reasons, none of which are practical or logical—instead act as if they're the coolest living organisms since Nathan Fillion. What could possess a person so entirely devoid of substance or intelligence or intellectual desirability to go so far as to ADVERTISE themselves to anyone other than a shrink, or to anything other than an intensive self-help program?
People just make me giggle sometimes! (And then I wake up from a hallucination about being covered in their brains...)
"Socio-Political Reality 101: '... duuhhh!'"
I'm bored with people talking about who they would or wouldn't vote for. Some people mean well and make good points from a purely relative (and often hypothetical) perspective, but they are all ultimately moot.
Democracy, especially, would/can only be efficient and sensible if the constituency were limited and/or cohesive enough to maintain a general consensus about anything; the fact stands that, no matter who ends up as "president of the united states", that person is not ultimately accountable to the people of the country - and has not been for many, many, many........... years, if ever. It's a lovely but utterly naive notion that a government which controls the world image of a group of individuals—of any size or variety—could ever possibly represent any of them to any acceptable degree. Proof? = law enforcement. The very fact that such a concept exists proves that the social construct itself is fundamentally broken. Arguing about its government is moot.
It's pointless to argue or debate about which candidates for X political office are/aren't better/worse than any other, because the greater truth will always be this: if the majority of human beings would just buck the fuck up, pull their heads out of their intellectual anuses, maybe take a little bit of responsibility for themselves and the way they affect other people and the world in general, then government would've remained a failed theory in a classroom somewhere. The fact that it ever existed in the first place is simply a testament to the—evidently—inevitability of human failure.
Government exists solely to sweep under the rug those very real issues which you choose to ignore and/or deny in your day-to-day life, at least as soon as they get so big and spread so far that the average person is savagely beaten by the shortcomings of his or her even-more-ignorant neighbor(s). The problem is that most human beings have chosen not to develop a functional mechanism for implementing a working "group mentality." People butt heads just for the sake of appealing to their insecurities, and as long as that's true, large-scale societies of human beings will NEVER work. Simple logic, folks.
Government has been and always will be a measuring stick propped against the relative decay of humankind. Even the most noble, well-meaning saint of a politician can be and is still a slave to social dysfunction in all the ways that matter. You think your vote counts? – Sure! It does; you can choose who gets elected. You think your vote is capable of effecting the kind of change you pretend you're brave enough to even conceptualize? – You're out of your cotton-pickin' mind. Do you ever actually interact with people, really?
Want to make the world a better place? Get out on the street and start talking to people. Glean what wisdom you can from life and pass it on just because you can. Find out what ails your neighbors, find out how you can help; find out how to help yourselves. Take your absentee ballots and make a fire for a homeless person; use it to start a conversation, and maybe find out just how incredible the depth of human potential is in the right environment. Inspire people to take responsibility for their own problems, instead of shrugging it off onto the shoulders of some pundit who's just another guy/gal with problems of his/her own and no time or life to deal with them - but who gets paid in cash and notoriety for all that denial and self-ignorance. Real people don't have that luxury. Welcome to life, people - it's not a game, so stop thinking in the relative and start realizing the black and white of it all. Quit bitching about which politician is or isn't going to do what to benefit or annoy you, cos in the end only you can be both entitled to and responsible for your own future. (And only you can prevent forest fires?)
Buying into the system just earns you a wool coat. Who cares if it's painted black? You're still a fucking sheep.
The most influential and provocative people in human history have been and always will be the people who answer only to the voice in the back of their head narrating the big picture. The only people who will ever change anything worth changing are those who lead by example. Grass-roots. It's all there is. Individuals interacting with individuals and sharing ideas; it's all that matters.
(For those of you who are ailed by unwavering skepticism even in the face of overwhelming fact, it's not much of a logical leap to deduce that human beings are by nature not well-suited to large-group life. You can do it yourself! Just flick the "Brain" switch to "On" and the "Television" to "Off." Ever hear of the "lowest-common-denominator syndrome"? ... yeah, of course you have. If not, take some basic mathematics (no wonder you don't understand anything) and take a wild guess at what that implies. Now - ever hear of an exception significant enough that it CHANGED the rule? As is hopefully self-evident, of course not. Human behavioral science isn't theoretical; it's empirical.)
The short of it all:
You want to change anything? Change yourself.
I'm sick of people who allow their denial and selective ignorance to push humanity back 10 steps for every 1 step forward.
Genuinely ignorant? –fine, that's not your fault. I'm happy to say I do understand, and I can deal with it. You still have a chance. Discovery isn't implicit. Nobody knows everything from the get-go.
Pull up a chair and let's talk.
In denial? –fine, that's your choice. However, I'm sad to say I also understand YOU, and I'm not going to accept you. You're a waste of a human being, and should be isolated in the intellectual vacuum you choose to live in. You suck the potential out of your environment and the people in it just by being alive.
Get the fuck off my planet.
Governments—and the inane political/social hurricanes swirling around them—inevitably perpetuate the social problems they are created to control. Any and all perceived "benefit" (such as that which is assumed to result from social government) is actually mere "damage control" skewed by generations of immersion in narrow perspective. When a very large 'bad' situation becomes 'better,' that often distracts people from the historical perspective, which is that the situation was ultimately much better than "bad" until a governing body stepped in and ruined things in the first place.
All of the 'progress' people imagine their governments making is an illusion, masking simply the snail-paced return to a balance which should never have been disrupted to begin with - and which will ultimately remain just out of reach, at best. Look at (insert political candidate/leader/officer here) in an objective light, and you'll always see that s/he is merely a giant cyclical fallacy with a face, and who gets paid a salary to maintain the illusion so the intellectually-blind folk don't walk off a cliff. Me, I say let them drown. Cos right now, the human race as a whole is drowning in stagnant mediocrity borne on the back of technological irresponsibility - and that's hardly the worst of it.
Just because we're all capable of surviving—implicitly—from the detached comforts of our living rooms (for now) doesn't mean that we should be allowed to, or should've ever been. Government is by no means the only culprit, but it is one more mechanism by which weak-willed people allow themselves to be convinced that the ultimate responsibility is not only somebody else's to bear, but sometimes actually "beyond their ability" to bear.
It's much more convenient to choose to believe that somebody else is better-qualified to exercise self-control on your behalf, and government is the spitting image of that "somebody." While I could understand why some people buy into it, I'm honestly shocked that almost everybody does! This is the kind of thing people are supposed to grow out of when they start growing body hair and feeling all hot and bothered about the opposite sex. Instead, they just feel all hot and bothered about American Idols and call that a life worth livin'. What a joke!
To summarize: my point is that ANY alternative to government is better in the long run. Even if it kills all of us, it would be utterly irresponsible to continue to allow the tragically obtuse masses to convert everybody else to Lemmingism by sheer force of intellectual anorexia. Unfortunately, the disease has become so rampant that a complete reset of the human species to ground zero is more likely than any real "fix," and that's a reality we'll all soon be faced with - 'opt-in denial' and 'others' alike. I'd much rather die an unknown person of solid principle (and almost certainly will do so) than be just another ethically-ruminant Ovis Aries.
My personal alternative is to circumvent authority whenever it won't explicitly result in my death or indefinite incarceration, so long as it's possible to live on to fight another day and such a fight has more value than my disappearance/death. I suppose when/if a certain point is reached, those qualifiers will no longer apply. I try to be an example of this; a person of hard-earned and fire-forged principle and character needs no government, and could not possibly gain anything of any real value from one.
A government is like an over-protective and over-exploitative parent; inevitably, its children MUST mature and set out on their own... or they become weak, spoiled, mere leeches in the stagnant pond of society. All the good intentions in the world could never change this. The individual human being needs to simply reformat to the "broad-minded" file system.
"Civil Disobedience" - Henry David Thoreau. Read. One of many underlying points which can be derived from this concept is that reliance upon oneself—self-government, if you will—is the only sustainable form of social order on any scale. While it may be possible to temporarily support a more complex system of government through the extraordinary sacrifices and labors of the individual on behalf of the 'greater good', such efforts will inevitably both fail and cause more long-term harm than short-term benefit.
This is the history of government. This is the future of government. You have a choice. Realizing your options but continuing to stay the same... is the wrong one.
Random Jimness
"Unless people are more than commonly disagreeable, it is my foolish habit to contract a kindness for them." (Nathaniel Hawthorne's "Scarlet Letter," which if you haven't read, you MUST.)
Hello. My name is Jim, and I'm an addict.
... But I've been metaphor- and allegory-free for two whole sentences.
I'm an average joe by day, rollicking guitar god and modest intellectual (adjectives in no particular order!) by night - and I'm accepting requests for the late-night shift! :)
I am a very "zen" guy; my inner peace is, however, punctuated by episodes of intense exploratory surgery of your mind - and the occasional growl in the direction of "those other" human beings. When I'm not savagely beating my head against the world in a desperate attempt to retain a voice and possibly some semblance of self, (or on an intellectual-spelunking adventure), you can find me hiding in my own little world of pen, paper and pixel, getting utterly drunk on knowledge (only), or perhaps just sitting under a tree contemplating any one of the infinite "why"s of the universe.
I crave to meet people of exceptional calibre who are capable of walking without the crutches of assumption or pretense. I enjoy having conversations with the aspects of peoples' personalities that are truly unique to only them. I am provocative, sensual, and honest to a fault. I value truth above all else... except—possibly—for cuddling, good food and (laugh all you want!), occasionally, grammar.
... But I've been metaphor- and allegory-free for two whole sentences.
I'm an average joe by day, rollicking guitar god and modest intellectual (adjectives in no particular order!) by night - and I'm accepting requests for the late-night shift! :)
I am a very "zen" guy; my inner peace is, however, punctuated by episodes of intense exploratory surgery of your mind - and the occasional growl in the direction of "those other" human beings. When I'm not savagely beating my head against the world in a desperate attempt to retain a voice and possibly some semblance of self, (or on an intellectual-spelunking adventure), you can find me hiding in my own little world of pen, paper and pixel, getting utterly drunk on knowledge (only), or perhaps just sitting under a tree contemplating any one of the infinite "why"s of the universe.
I crave to meet people of exceptional calibre who are capable of walking without the crutches of assumption or pretense. I enjoy having conversations with the aspects of peoples' personalities that are truly unique to only them. I am provocative, sensual, and honest to a fault. I value truth above all else... except—possibly—for cuddling, good food and (laugh all you want!), occasionally, grammar.
I embrace all truth and don't deceive myself - and that sort of makes life... well... my bitch, (for lack of more suitable vernacular).
I am an anti-materialist. Don't be one of those people who are nothing without their things to make them something. (Or I shall viciously chastise you, with at least 42% seriousness!)
According to French sexual legend, I am ze 'ottest 'uman b'ing in ze worl'. I don't give a fuck about that, though, so don't ever try to appeal to my vanity; I don't have any, and I'll just think you're a shallow idiot.
I fancy myself to be inhumanly intuitive and omnipotently observant. Whether I genuinely am—or simply aspire to that effect—is up to you... but in either case, the wordplay involved in simply discussing the concept turns me on like a light bulb. Yup. I'm that easy. Shake that sexy mind of yours! *bow-chica-brain-wow!*
Don't let my purdy smile fool you; while I would truly love to say I often get the chance to break your brain with pearly-white benevolence, I much more frequently flash it at folks just to wipe from their minds whatever inane thoughts they were about to assault me with. The things I have to put up with...
Whether or not I make you feel like the most valuable person on the planet—or wish you'd never been born—depends entirely on your qualifications. I am almost as adroit at the kind of flattery that could make Bruce Willis blush and quiver as I am scaring adolescent intellects into a hysterically-weeping puddle of their own sorry piss - so I have established the following rules for human interaction. Please:
if you open your mouth in my direction, make sure something slightly salivating—intellectually... or otherwise ;)—will ultimately come of it, or I may be tempted to commandeer both of your feet to play ping-pong with your uvula 'til your mommy comes to pick you up with straitjacket in tow.
If you are expected back in a mental hospital somewhere, please inform me before any other interaction takes place!
Most of the time, I feel that I simply can't be bothered with the affairs of mortals.
I can smell stupidity 88 yards away, and I don't want any of yours, so keep it locked up. I can be pretty judgmental, but I'm also extremely fuckin' bright in every way that counts and have earned that right - so your "arrogance" is often my "common sense, you idiot." Please don't make me patronize you.
If you provoke me, I'll tell you the truth, and you might hate me for it - unless you were just testing my genius. I assure you, it is not necessary.
I appreciate the hilarious irony of karmic vengeance, and I absolutely LOVE to watch people get sucked into the intellectual vacuums they build their lives upon. I don't enjoy any but the most clever of comedies; real life is just 10,000 times more funny.
"I studied the ancient art of origami-gun making, and I folded it out of purest prose. This is an origami .45 - the most powerful poetry in the world!" (The Asylum)
I'm attracted to obscure knowledge as a general rule. Also, I just realized I'm attracted to obscure people.
If the first thing I realize after you open your mouth in my direction is that I've already met you a thousand times before, then knowing me is going to be about as much fun for you as taking anal suppositories.
By mouth.
And by force.
... Yes - the whole bottle.
Now that that's all said and done, there is admittedly a (tiny) possibility that I might be slightly exaggerating how much I despise most people. In fact, try as I might to suppress them, I'm actually prone to compassionate urges.
— Mister Vulcan... I've... I've failed you.
Really, if people have anything other than a steaming pile of feces cooking in their brainpans, I can probably find a way to appreciate them as human beings... whether I want to or not...
But don't push it! I've come to suspect that that might be my only weakness; I'm just waiting for a good excuse to change my mind about ALL of you and set the world on fire!
"Ode to the dangerous pursuit of egg-nog"
(December 2008)
Right now I'm really annoyed at my roommate; she's got another guy over (4th in as many days - the first days she met them all, of course) and they're having painfully adolescent, mediocre... loud (at least one of them is faking)... sex in her room...
... Which is also presently our living room. God damn it! I'm torn between walking out there and berating them for making such a mockery of the sexual act, or laughing maniacally along in rhythm with their sad, sad horn-dog-dance of sad, sad, sadness until he loses it (if he hasn't already by the time I finished writing this... haha! Poor guy). And to make things worse, I want some egg nog really freakin' bad! The kitchen is connected to the same hallway, though...
I'm tempted to look up some viciously demented BDSM video on the web, turn it up really loud, turn on my computer's microphone and start hyperventilating over my speakers just to scare the shit out of them (and the neighbors, but that would just be a bonus).
EVERYONE SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO PASS A TEST BEFORE BEING ALLOWED TO SHARE THEIR GENITALS WITH OTHER HUMANS.
The truth ... about Lava Lamps!
I've come to the conclusion that lava lamps just might be some super-sneaky-ninja-like government attempt at targeted crowd control.
Think about it: if you could distribute a device dangerous and addictive enough, what better way to get rid of those pesky folks who habitually smoke too much weed, trip on mushy mushrooms, or consume chemical cocktails?
And then there are the REAL threats to government authority: those nerdy folks like myself who are just really fascinated by creative physics experiments which lend themselves to adventurous (and colorful!) dream states.
So, after all that... how could it possibly be a coincidence that lava lamps are SO fascinating – and such a huge freakin' FIRE HAZARD!?
Of course, the logical explanation is that "they"—the man, the big kahuna, the red plague, the malevolent peach fuzz on Big Brother Society's chest—are simply trying to burn us all a-fuckin' live!
Yooooou know it. And you heard it right here!
Think about it: if you could distribute a device dangerous and addictive enough, what better way to get rid of those pesky folks who habitually smoke too much weed, trip on mushy mushrooms, or consume chemical cocktails?
And then there are the REAL threats to government authority: those nerdy folks like myself who are just really fascinated by creative physics experiments which lend themselves to adventurous (and colorful!) dream states.
So, after all that... how could it possibly be a coincidence that lava lamps are SO fascinating – and such a huge freakin' FIRE HAZARD!?
Of course, the logical explanation is that "they"—the man, the big kahuna, the red plague, the malevolent peach fuzz on Big Brother Society's chest—are simply trying to burn us all a-fuckin' live!
Yooooou know it. And you heard it right here!
Pineapple & cilantro "not-quite-sorbet"
One of my favorite desserts; the combination of flavors might sound a little daunting, but they actually complement each other nicely. Give it a try and you might be pleasantly surprised.
Or, you might begin uncontrollably projectile vomiting on your dressed-up dinner company.
Either way, I'm pleased!
Required Items:
- Medium saucepan
- Medium bowl
- Blender or fine-bladed food processor
- Shallow pan/casserole dish/cake tin/etc
Syrup Ingredients:
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 cup water
Other Ingredients:
- 1 cup vanilla ice cream
- 1 cup fresh-squeezed pineapple juice
- 1 cups pureed pineapple
- Approximately 1-3 tbsp very finely chopped fresh cilantro
- Lemon juice
Optional:
- Whipped cream
- Approximately 3 tbsp rum or vodka (choose by flavor preference) --OR-- approximately 6 tbsp champagne.
----------------------------------------------------------
Syrup Preparation -
Combine water and sugar in a medium-sized saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Once all sugar crystals have completely dissolved, remove from heat and pour into a bowl for later use. Let cool completely (to room temperature) before using. Cover and place the syrup in the refrigerator to speed up the cooling process, if desired.
The rest -
Combine fruit juice and fruit puree in blender.
Add cooled syrup to the mix slowly, blending 2-3 seconds before tasting; the mixture will lose some sweetness after it freezes, so you should adjust the taste now to be just slightly sweeter than you prefer.
Add 1-2 tsp lemon juice to taste in the same manner, if desired (if you enjoy a slightly bitter citrus taste to round out the sweetness of the pineapple).
Add alcohol to the mixture, if desired. (Note: adding alcohol tends to lend a much smoother texture to your finished product, but is by no means necessary - the taste, however, (especially of a dry champagne with this particular dish), can be quite satisfying for those of you who drink alcohol.
Blend finished mixture for another 30 seconds.
Pour into a shallow pan and place, uncovered, in the freezer.
After the mixture has frozen completely, use a knife or fork to break it up into chunks; then, re-blend the chunks of ice until they are uniformly smooth, and place it back in the pan and back into the freezer. Repeat 2-3 times if possible, or at least until you are ready to serve.
To serve:
Break up any ice in the mixture; combine mixture, ice cream, cilantro (to taste, start with ~1 tsp), and re-blend for 30-60 seconds or until all ingredients are evenly mixed and the consistency is smooth. For the sake of presentation, serve in a smaller (6-8oz) glass or bowl and top with a sprig of cilantro and a dab of whipped cream if desired.
Enjoy!
Or, you might begin uncontrollably projectile vomiting on your dressed-up dinner company.
Either way, I'm pleased!
Required Items:
- Medium saucepan
- Medium bowl
- Blender or fine-bladed food processor
- Shallow pan/casserole dish/cake tin/etc
Syrup Ingredients:
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 cup water
Other Ingredients:
- 1 cup vanilla ice cream
- 1 cup fresh-squeezed pineapple juice
- 1 cups pureed pineapple
- Approximately 1-3 tbsp very finely chopped fresh cilantro
- Lemon juice
Optional:
- Whipped cream
- Approximately 3 tbsp rum or vodka (choose by flavor preference) --OR-- approximately 6 tbsp champagne.
----------------------------------------------------------
Syrup Preparation -
Combine water and sugar in a medium-sized saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Once all sugar crystals have completely dissolved, remove from heat and pour into a bowl for later use. Let cool completely (to room temperature) before using. Cover and place the syrup in the refrigerator to speed up the cooling process, if desired.
The rest -
Combine fruit juice and fruit puree in blender.
Add cooled syrup to the mix slowly, blending 2-3 seconds before tasting; the mixture will lose some sweetness after it freezes, so you should adjust the taste now to be just slightly sweeter than you prefer.
Add 1-2 tsp lemon juice to taste in the same manner, if desired (if you enjoy a slightly bitter citrus taste to round out the sweetness of the pineapple).
Add alcohol to the mixture, if desired. (Note: adding alcohol tends to lend a much smoother texture to your finished product, but is by no means necessary - the taste, however, (especially of a dry champagne with this particular dish), can be quite satisfying for those of you who drink alcohol.
Blend finished mixture for another 30 seconds.
Pour into a shallow pan and place, uncovered, in the freezer.
After the mixture has frozen completely, use a knife or fork to break it up into chunks; then, re-blend the chunks of ice until they are uniformly smooth, and place it back in the pan and back into the freezer. Repeat 2-3 times if possible, or at least until you are ready to serve.
To serve:
Break up any ice in the mixture; combine mixture, ice cream, cilantro (to taste, start with ~1 tsp), and re-blend for 30-60 seconds or until all ingredients are evenly mixed and the consistency is smooth. For the sake of presentation, serve in a smaller (6-8oz) glass or bowl and top with a sprig of cilantro and a dab of whipped cream if desired.
Enjoy!
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