I accidentally made eye contact and smiled at a stranger walking by me today. FUCK ME AND MY STUPID ASS! I forgot that only women or brainless ultra-vain gym rats have that right.
Pardon me, miss - for reals. I forgot not to be human for a sec. It was a fucking accident, okay?
and I don't know why, but I had this stray thought about homelessness on the drive home tonight, and it got me traipsing down this deep-dark thought trail punctuated by musical tangents... like, what would it be like to have no access to music?
Can you imagine not being able to listen to your favorite songs AT ALL, much less whenever you want? No phone, no iPod, no computer, no headphones, no mp3s - not the good kind of silence where you're alone in nature, surrounded by trees and sunlight, the smells of fragrant flora and elemental earth, the faunal ambiance. It would be so horribly quiet of good sounds, and wouldn't that make all of the awful noise of humanity even louder? What would I have been like—and would I have even made it this far in life—if I hadn't had music to stimulate and expand my creative processes in my formative years?
While at first the thought-train's friction was generating altruisticity that made me want to go back to volunteering on a regular basis, the end of the line felt like a black hole filled with the haphazard tapestries of the homeless condition hopelessly tangled up in the tragic truths of a much stronger social machine to which catharsis is merely a masochistic gnat, and I realized—not for the first time, but for the first time from this thought vector—that this is yet another case of "nobody can unravel the former without first dismantling the latter." This all made me very sad, so I listened to this to focus my thoughts - because I can... which really only made me sadder.
– that extroversion and introversion are opposite troughs of perceptive oscillation driven by the human condition—extroversion representing id: the fundamental drive to connect, love, contribute, be acknowledged/affirmed, exhibit tribal survival instincts—and moderated by the ultrarational components of individual consciousness—introversion representing supergo: will to be rational, to be organized and stable and balanced, to evolve beyond the limitations of the present state and to cultivate the skills and knowledge necessary to achieve as much—and that it is both normal and healthy to vary somewhere between the two extremes depending on the stage of growth - with a tendency toward extroversion when comfort is possible and comfort level is generally high, and toward introversion when impossible or less accessible.
... and here's where it gets crazy: that the whole mechanism is just another subroutine of our instinct to survive - one that effectively controls our basic drive to evolve beyond—or else relegate ourselves to—herd behavior based on a balance of rational comprehension + instinctual reaction to the present state of said herd.
(OK - it's actually not weird. I'm a huge psych nerd, and I'm pretty sure I'm right, but I try to explain it to people and their compulsion to defend their own behavior on one spectrum or the other takes over any rational process that might otherwise exist).
The ramifications get pretty intense when you extrapolate the idea to account for the way modern human society treats (pun intended) antisocial "disorders," too. This could bite our species in the ass someday.
