News From Around the World

The Japanese have uncovered a relic of Mozart's long lost "Tobacco Opera" encoded in previously-unknown modern notation! 

Could it be that our pal Wolfgang was actually a psychic with foreknowledge of times to come? Was he perhaps also a brilliant scientist who secretly developed a perfect algorithm that could predict all possible futures?

— Or is he really a secret agent of Philip Morris, bearing glad tidings of "healthful social indulgences" through time? If any modern entity were capable of constructing and powering a time machine, it would surely be the tobacco industry...

Only the Japanese know, it seems. Alas, the answer will probably never be—accurately—translated into English.

Frank's Observations

An intelligent person makes all measurements with immediacy, accuracy, and thoroughness. Any person inclined toward such observational acuity will quickly learn that the average human soul's contents are rather unremarkable - disappointing, even.

Happiness is a tenuous, many-layered delusion, and each of its layers relies upon a foundation more unstable than that of the layer beneath it. To maintain a modicum of contentment consistent with this delusion, intelligent people must avoid being too knowledgeable—too intelligent—about other people.

As for those poor souls whose happiness is contingent upon stabler and more fundamental notions of meaningful living, the notion of such contentment is merely a cruel abstraction.

Intelligent people must either take care not to evolve too far beyond the herd or else learn to sufficiently tend the substantial wounds received in leaving it.

Always,

Frank

Not that I really care, but...

Existential crisis is the hallmark of sentient growth; if you're not in the middle of at least one right now, you're regressing.

Obituary: Rights, Bill O.

RIP, Bill.

Don't get me wrong, now; I would never criticize the divine wisdom of our supreme overlords as they gloriously smote your stale and heretical ideas in favor of a more... "structured" and "traditional"... approach to human rights. (We worship you, supreme overlords! I'm not a terrorist, I swear. Please don't kill my family again - I'm just getting used to the new one).

Still, I'm sure there are still plenty of—hateful, medieval, chaos-inspiring "free-thinking"—folks who lament good ol' Bill's passing... from within the deep recesses of their hidden lairs beneath the rocky fringes of our great nation, of course.

Again, no offense or disrespect was intended toward or should be inferred by the supreme overlords of our glorious state and country - may they reign supreme and just by the divinity of their godhead, Amen.