Worship a la Facetious

Dear God,

Of all the places you've never been, Facebook is the one that makes the most sense for you to inhabit.

Please, master, tickle me with electricity if this mere mortal's musings muss up my master's moratorium on meaningful deviations from tradition, but might I suggest a chapter in the New-New Testament on the subject of philosophy? I've heard that the concept of rational thought is so highly prized in Heaven, even, that only the most exquisite heavenly alcohols are derived from its distilled essence - and that it is so rare and valuable that nearly none of your flock will ever taste it in either their now- or after-lives.

What a gift that would be!

Sincerely,

Sincerity

If this ain't rosy-colored as my shit, I haven't been eating enough Red #40

"What we're going to have to do is combine selective actions by our military to make sure that we're going after terrorists who COULD harm our personnel overseas or EVENTUALLY hit the homeland..."

- Your grateful dictator, Obama.

Isn't it reassuring to know that our military regime will stop at nothing to kill anybody, anywhere in the world, who COULD, EVENTUALLY, threaten American security? - Don't worry, though! I'm sure that if this completely unregulated abuse of power were being directed at American citizens, somebody would know about it by now...

Anyone out there still in denial about what's in store for us over the next few decades? Please speak up if so, and I'll happily point out the fucking obvious again in whatever way works for you.

Get uncomfortable, you morons

People far too often enjoy the comfort of opinion without the responsibility of thought.

Daily Brain-bran

"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things."

- Churchill

Totes Copasetic, Bros and Bras

I just realized something truly horrible: the up-and-coming generations have no idea who Phil Collins is! Also, in other news, they're fucking morons.

A girl in the drive-through at BK tonight asked me how I'm doing, and I replied with my usual, "Oh, you know - just 'another day in paradise'," and she smiled and said cheerfully, "mmhmm!"

So, naturally, I reached through the window and strangled her once she'd handed me my fries. Or maybe I just really, really wanted to... I'm not really sure - my memory gets fuzzy sometimes where the best gratuitous violence is concerned.

Anyway, the point is: the ability to comprehend irony is being bred out of our youth. They are losing their instinctual senses of humor - and of justice, and intellectual propriety. They are being trained, fresh out of the womb, to be oblivious to the absurdities of our daily lives... and, as those lives and behaviors become more and more ridiculous, this new general populace simply becomes more and more complacent.

Is it any wonder that we have actually devolved to the point, now, where we as a nation take—and, worse, flaunt—PRIDE in programming our youngest and most vulnerable members of society - then sending them overseas to kill for our economic interests? If they can't think effectively anymore, I suppose it makes sense; soon, mindless errands will be the the only things they're good for at all.

Thank god we have the public education system to teach them to think freely, objectively, and for themselves. Thankfully, parents are fulfilling their BASIC obligations to their biological imperatives - ensuring—at all costs!—that their children are NOT being overtly conditioned to think less, ask fewer questions, be more selfish, or ignore reality whenever convenient.

Hah, can you just IMAGINE what our world would turn into if that weren't the case!?

Phew. I don't even want to think about it.

It makes me really glad that history has proven that, as worse graduates to worst, we can still all just sit back, relax, "be ourselves" and trust that it'll all work itself out in our best interests - no worries, man.

Habeas' Corpse: Us

Nobody can claim ignorance any longer, thanks to this Information Age. So, since you now know what our military actually does these days ('cause you wouldn't just ignore a terrible truth if you could access it in 3-4 minutes, right?) - what would YOU do if you get drafted for the next invasion? (My answer: it involves a shootout... assuming we're still allowed to own guns then).

Here's another good one: what will YOU do when martial law comes to your state? (My answer: see above).

I should probably close with something lighter, so here's a funny joke:

So, habeas corpus walks into a government-run bar, right? And never walks out.

Hahahaha! — What, you don't find that funny? 

THEN AMERICA IS NOT FOR YOU - TERRORIST!

Weeeee...

As human civilization continues to circle the drain in its decrepit dingy of denial, I find myself failing to muster enough energy even to laugh anymore as everyone aboard screams "Yayyyyy - faster!"

— "Thank god there's no age limit for THIS ride," the younger ones say excitedly;

— "I'm so happy we worked hard so we can afford this for our children," the older ones say proudly;

"Well, looks like we can still get away with charging more from the next generation," say the puppet masters knowingly from inside their nearby submarine...

Happy Farce of July!

Come to the New World > slaughter the indigenous population > colonize their lands > move the few surviving tribes to reservations > where they sell us fireworks that we use to celebrate > our "national birthday"...

Hah. You couldn't make this shit up.

 

Resistance is Fertile

Illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within. We pay for perpetual ignorance with our finite souls and call the transaction "living" - and right up until the very end, we still somehow believe that we've been profiting the entire time.

Wake up! Life and intellectual death are mutually exclusive.

PSA: Language is a real thing.

ATTENTION, SELF-RIGHTEOUS "FEMINISTS:" the *intended* meaning of this word that you megalomaniacal ignoramuses use to describe yourselves actually belongs to a completely different and, in fact, OPPOSITE word: "egalitarianist."

"Feminism," to the *utter* contrary, is—by both definition and real-world effect—the fascist promotion of women's interests to the EXCLUSION of all others. In other words, "feminism" is one of several literal OPPOSITES to the concept of "equality."

In other words, you're all fucking-backwards! Every time you use the word "feminism," it's an embarrassment to intelligent women everywhere. Unfortunately, that's not really a big deal; the vast majority of the human population is currently perpetuating similar oblivious stupidity via one or another misinterpreted "cause" without realizing it.

Here's the real problem, then: by failing to realize that you're improperly using language belonging to a cause to which you're completely oblivious, you are inadvertently—but highly effectively—advocating for the opposite of what you claim to believe in; i.e. you're perpetuating the problem you think you're fighting against.

GG! Just as with all other things, please either use your brain or kill yourselves.

– I honestly have no preference.