Idiot-erections for primary elections

Every time I hear somebody talk about candidate _______, I just want to fucking Gordon Ramsay them:

"Ohhh, fuuuuuck me. Un-fucking-believable!
Hey, everybody, STOP!
Look at me, all of you... I SAID FUCKING ALL OF YOU!
- Not an OUNCE of fucking INTELLIGENCE!
- And just... just—*SIGH*—just fucking LOOK at the state of that THOUGHT; it's all over the fucking place, it's torn to shit, and... oh my GOD! Wait, wait, that's not even fucking all of it, look here: it's FUCKING RAW!
What are you fucking doing? You DONKEY!
I've... HAD... ENOUGH!
Do me a favor: YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU –
Fuck off out of here!
All of you, just FUCK OFF! You fucking muppets!"

Dear everybody,

Please be so kind as to shut the fuck up about which presidential candidate will be the most accommodating to whatever meager perceptions of importance you have flitting about in your particular la-la-land. You're all idiots. None of your opinions are good for ANYONE, so—for the love of future generations who have no choice but to inherit the consequences of your stupidity—stop spreading them!

Since nobody seems to have figured it out, let me clue you in: the most important issue actually facing our country today is that people like you are all somehow overwhelmingly content not just to encourage but to in fact participate in this utterly-meritless popularity circus - eagerly offering up your lives and livelihoods to a smorgasbord of insipid clowns from every neighborhood of Out-of-Touchville as they compete in ridiculous battles of vacuous rhetorical bullshit. ("Yayyyy! I hope my team winz!" – YOU). Fucking puppet theater! Unbelievable!

I know, I know, those candidates are all some seriously-impressive idiots, too - but please don't feel compelled to further fuck up society just because you can relate to that. YOU may perpetually be in the market for fashionable stupidity, but you're just a waste of fucking space; the rest of us prefer to avoid wearing our assholes around our collarbones.

Also, when you get around to it,
kill yourselves.

Sincerest nuclear wishes, 

The Voice of Fucking Reason!