iHymen: The One-Step Solution to all of the World's Difficult Solutions to Problems that Seriously Exist.

Have YOU heard the good news about iHymen yet? Read on, brothers and sisters!

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Worried about big, looming epiphanies? Concerned that you'll be mercilessly and impersonally reamed by unrestricted knowledge putting its big, scary hands all over your vulnerable soul? You're not alone. And now, you don't have to FEEL alone, either.

Billions of humans suffer from a chronic unwillingness to endure the minor temporary pains of new and unfamiliar comprehension. Clinical studies have recently proven that most people would rather construct a layer-cake of fragile delusions around the lives and limited perspectives they've happened to experience so far, rather than suffer unnecessarily at the hands of universal truths that might otherwise force them to confront difficult and unappealing realities.

Pathologically-Avoidant Behavior Syndrome is real, and it's currently the most prevalent and misunderstood naturally-occurring handicap known to humankind. Since the dawn of human civilization, P.A.B.S. has been stigmatized by a handful of elitist jerks who think their selfless quests for truth entitle them to the right to judge those of lazier, more apathetic affectations.

But now, there's hope!

After all these years, there's finally some great news for sufferers of P.A.B.S. Some of the brightest politicians and advertisers among us have discovered an ideal way for YOU to protect yourself from the uncomfortable growth and beneficial behavioral reform caused by logical thinking, honest self-analysis, and the plagues of intrinsic truths that these psychological diseases have historically inflicted upon the supermajority of specially-gifted humans blessed with Pathologically-Avoidant Behavior Syndrome.

The solution is free, effortless, and is readily available online, on television, and in the empty eyes of everyone around you: "iHymen."

Do you ever feel isolated from your friends who are always stuck in cycles of willful ignorance and self-limiting behavioral patterns? Don't you wish that you, too, could openly embrace the irrational and factually erroneous beliefs of everyone around you? No matter how far you've wandered from the comfy teat of intellectual apathy and the status quo, iHymen can help restore the natural balance of your arbitrary social prerogatives.

iHymen is simple and easy to use: simply plug in to the vast network of iHymen users all over the world, and you're done. That's it! Just by participating, you will instantly begin to feel the benefits of the iHymen mechanism: as more and more people with P.A.B.S. gather to celebrate their unremarkable natures, distill out the uncomfortable differences and variances among them, and cast off their cumbersome chains of reality, it'll become easier and easier for each subsequent participant to do the same - and YOU can be the next to join!

The snowball is already rolling. No effort whatsoever is required on your part. Simply choose to stop choosing. Give up the burdens of biological and intellectual freedom; shed your responsibility to the universe and your fellow human. Life is short - you have just as much right as anyone else to waste it in whatever arbitrary fashion you choose! And now, with iHymen, you can join the world's largest community and reinforce that singular, wonderful feeling of denial with others just like you.

The fact that universal truths exist and often fly in the face of modern human behavior doesn't mean that you should be forced to acknowledge them or change accordingly.

It's YOUR mind, and "no" means "no!"

Fight back against Reality-Rape. Choose not to choose — with iHymen.

Protect the intellectual pussy you've always been.

Now available absolutely everywhere and in absolutely everything near you!

Disclaimer: always consult your local social-indoctrination and behavioral-homogenization specialist before beginning iHymen or any other behavioral conditioning course. Your specific delusions and personal hang-ups may require special attention and dosage adjustments that you can't possibly comprehend, and which you must thus only question until you get confused and accept the first answer provided to you. iHymen may damage the psychological make-up of those who have built up a previous resistance to population control methodology; if you have doubts about whether or not iHymen will work flawlessly for you, please consult the nearest Faith vendor in your area for a solution tailored specifically to your generic situation.

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