Sarcasm à la carte

Oh, maaaaan. What is the world coming to?

If we can't even collectively agree that it's fine to kill unwanted babies just for funsies, how the hell are we supposed to eventually achieve the ultimate consensus that it's fine to kill unwanted adults - including quite a few for potentially-legitimate reasons!? We need legalized distant-post-term abortion, yesterday!

— No amount of Las Vegas country music festival hijinks will suffice!

And—this is just a nitpick, but—this also puts a serious damper on our plans to selectively breed out human flaws in lieu of leaving it to "natural selection" - which, bear in mind, is, like, tooooootally composed of an inordinate overpopulation of frat boiz and club gurrrrrls-zah.

How to get anything you want from anyone

How to get anything you want, from anyone:

1) Shed any preconception of morality, ethics, or other rules of conduct.

Accept that humans don't deserve your respect until they give you cause to think otherwise. The only relevant consideration in your choice of interactions with others is how they can or can't benefit you. People are just simple calculators and meat in fleshy suits; consider and use them as such. Should one break rank and demonstrate an objectively valuable and uncommon consciousness, only then should you consider its potential merits as a living thing.

2) Give up your instinctual devotion to truth, logic, and all rationality.

Understand that 99/100 people are more than happy to live entirely in delusions, and that of those, easily 9/10 of them live with an unshakable belief that those delusions are exactly what they really want. By their 20s, most people have given up all attachment to objective reality. In order to interact on their level, you must at least understand this pathology. They only need to be managed.

3) Take nothing personally.

To the idiot masses, you are simply a figment of their imagined reality in a somewhat more tangible form. Your only potential value to these morons is in the form of an essential object in their existing delusions; your actual objective value or worth as a human being is categorically vestigial to the psychology of human society - so you must learn to understand that these fleshbags aren't actually ever interacting with you at all. To take offense is illogical.

4) Manipulate.

Learn the landscapes, characters and ideas central to their delusions, study the simple repetitive patterns of their interactions and the subsequently shallow, boring behavioral routines that result - then insert yourself as one of the controlling ideas. Lie. When they believe you, insinuate your lie further into their delusion, until you control its direction.

That is all there is to this.

— and that is, frankly, about all there is in general.

Excerpts of Future Histories

"You can't blame every American for the wrongs that its government and leaders have committed," said many Americans.

No one outside their country echoed this ridiculous notion, however.

It is a terrible tragedy that American citizens did not manage to act harmoniously and with conviction to right—or at least to end—the wrongs across the rest of the world that were both perpetrated in their names and made possible only by their knowing acquiescence. If only they had not turned away from higher instinct and rational foresight alike, perhaps the downfall of their society would not have come about in such a fiery and bloody manner. Some historians believe that an American civilization might even have persisted to this day had its people collectively elected to pursue one of the many possible constructive paths to which they had unobstructed access. Instead of taking purposeful advantage of their unprecedented opportunities in that time, Americans made the conscious choice to allow apathy and denial not only to control their own lives but to eventually corrupt all influence they exerted upon the world in turn.

With the ever-billowing smoke of their growing failures suffocating the world around them, they nevertheless danced gaily across a fiery landfill of self-righteous apathy as its unquenchable embers steadily burned away the last vestiges of their humanity - and by the time they realized that they were going to die, they were already dead. If any at all, very few among them likely realized that their demise was the sole fruit of their own laborious self-deceptions. For many decades they had been happy slaves, masters of the art of forging their own weightless and increasingly-invisible collars, but they were also self-indentured to the slow but steady construction of their own great coffin - and, eventually, their neighbors put them to rest in it. The citizens of the rest of the world collectively refused to allow global genocide to continue to follow in the footsteps of American ignorance and selfishness; at a certain point, after all attempts at peaceful resolution, negotiation, and reason had failed, the only possible solution was to stop its march once and for all.

All that remains today of Americans are their tragic celebrations of themselves in the social media records from that time: the trivial details of their wasted time on Earth - trophies to nothing more than the cursory self-acknowledgments of their egos that such activities represented. Like many ancient societies that rose and fell before and after them, the "USA" failed to even consider the possibility of its own inevitable downfall, much less plan for it. Its citizens' knowing-delusions of fundamental immortality was ultimately their fatal flaw.

The petrified nuclear forest that was once middle North America must be taught to current and future generations as exactly what it is: a stark reminder that a broader perspective MUST be cultivated—and, most importantly, must be *observed and acted upon*—by any human civilization that would endeavor to survive itself. The violent, catastrophic loss of what might someday have been a great society is a humbling lesson that can only be heeded or else suffered in future kind: that passivity is a delusion, that inaction is a potential force equivalent to that of any action, and that to abide willful ignorance is to invite inevitable extinction.

- "Histories of the Ancient World," (Holotext, Simms & Mandel, #37 Edition, 2683).

Who needs Netflix?

Inspired by Julia Landrith of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

...In related news: is our gene pool out of control? Tune in later!